But he did. I have raised three children (mine, his and ours) and how we have two that were adopted. It discusses self-concept, self-esteem, and how to praise and encourage effectively. Sadly, theyre wrong. In the process, he's morphed into a. Taking any kid's toys without a promise that they'll get them back is a recipe for a kid to grow up resenting that action. I personally think we need to understand WHY if we are to address the problem at the core. How to set boundaries that can stand. As other one- and two-star reviewers have noted, other "consequences" are borderline abusive (withholding food, for instance). My weekly article on GNMParents (now ForeverParenting.com) went up yesterday, and I wasn't expecting Stu to have a response. A technically gifted rapper with a rapid-fire flow, Logic has an avowedlyperhaps performativelynerdy aesthetic. br> You require that your child experience the consequences of that choice. If youre on a mobile device, this can be done on the web version. Once you've employed Love and Logic, you'll see positive results right away, whether you're the parent of a toddler or a teenager, care for one child or teach a classroom full of children! Whether that's a cause of the inner cruelty within these children, or a recipe for becoming a serial killer bears little import in the light that, either way, you don't want to find out by using this method with your kid. We then go into consequences. Born out of the Cold War, forged in the uncertainty of its ending, and built . Protecting your child from consequences, failure, and hurt is not always helpful nor the best parenting choice. Since I began this process, I have noticed a difference in the compassion I show to myself, and how much more that helps me connect with my kids. Their brain looks different than a child's who has been loved and cared for since their birth. Why is that? And she said, I dont know, but it doesnt work.. self identity The ongoing process of self-development and definition of our personal identity. Feel free to come back to the room as soon as you are calm. - Lisa Fernandez. THE. Better yet, eschew this book and look for those based on sounder psychological principles (the books by Adele Faber are excellent).". Thanks for coming by and commenting! Aha! The only way you would agree with everything in a parenting book is if you were the author. Often they dont have a favorite toy, stuffed animal, or blanket when theyre young, they arent connected to anything, so removing it doesnt make any difference to them. So from then on, weve saved consequences only for situations in which shes clearly feeling calm, rational and present. It is therefore helpful to remember that what we teach our kids about our parenting style by modeling is what our great-great-great grandchildren may be learning, and it is a heavy thought to consider that by employing these strategies, we could be creating a neglect and abuse cycle that will last far longer than we'll be alive. For more helpful information and links you can follow me on Facebook and Twitter, and Pinterest. This is a "read-and-understand, lock-it-in-with practice" book that will enrich your relationship with your loved one. consequences. I have a couple articles on ABA that may interest you and be helpful for your son. Sure, I can send him to his room, or make him go up and down the stairs twenty times, but I won't get to the root cause and prevent it happening again. Testimonials and Reviews Remember that you may not see a difference in your childs behavior, they have to make attachments, then their brain will calm down and heal so they can think logically and care about those around them. It is undermining the role of a parent as an ally to do this. He doesnt understand that x leads to y even with ABA, prompts, or pictures. The main ideas Logics fan base is largely comprised of members of this generation, many of whom have a different and more precise vocabulary to talk about anxiety than their parents or even older siblings did. I hope that's helpful. I have both adopted But, why dont consequences and reward systems work for kids whove been neglected, abused, and traumatized? The Art of Education University will be closed from Friday, December 23, 2022 Monday, January 2, 2023, as we commemorate the holiday season. Home / 7 Effective Love and Logic Strategies for the Classroom. As he rapped on his 2012 mixtape Young Sinatra: Undeniable (directly quoting one of his idols, Jay-Z), Men lie, women lie / Numbers dont.. Instead, the focus is on "teaching lessons" with "consequences" which are mostly punishments, supposedly delivered with kindness instead of anger. At this age we are meeting just this week with a counselor & time management/life coach type person. At that point, he hinted that the album would be called AfricAryaN; suffice to say that did not sit well with some people. This is also what Jane Nelsen, who wrote Positive Discipline, recommended at the time. We all would; therefore, my advice is not to buy this book, not to employ these practices, and not to embrace this sort of extreme "natural consequence" ideology, before you too, are the parent saying that all you wanted was relief from upsetting behaviors in the moment, and instead, what you got was a kid that resented and hated you for having been the parent that read this book and put it in action.". - Caroline Henry. In less than two years, the Canadian psychology professor emerged from obscurity to become an international best-selling author with a massive online following. It is a super helpful parenting book. You can read about how it changed my teaching, along with other great resources,here. Consequences mean nothing and he doesnt understand the idea of behaving well to get a reward. The former MVP has adapted and evolved to become an excellent conductor of Phillys offense. But to most Logic fans, its probably even more of a flex to have Rick and Morty on your album. relational love the relation you have of love towards an- other person. It is not easy to allow children to experience the consequences they have walked into, but it has so much value long-term. I just don't think letting a six year old set his own bedtime To learn more or opt-out, read our Cookie Policy. (All but one of the other 14 artists to achieve this featthe Beatleshave done so in the past decade.) And so Logics installment of Rapture will probably cement the devotion of his die-hards, even if it confounds his skeptics. It makes a difference. The weight of our experiences shapes us. ), What Well, my son never would have done that at age two. How to Raise an Emotionally Intelligent Child, How to Raise an Intelligent Creative Child, How To Raise a Socially Intelligent Child, Rituals and Traditions That Bring Families Closer. Though, our son has not been abused he did have a few febrile seizures at 2-3 and was a premie at 4 pounds. Its about me being black and white, seeing life from two sides, and about that cultural evolution and how you can go from the darkest of skin to the lightest of skin, he explained ahead of its release. He barely graduated. Just wondering if these ideas can apply to a biological child suffering from severe depression including feelings of worthlessness, self hate, and self harm?? So why does he still seem not quite interesting? I subscribe to their emails, and the websitecontainsa treasure trove of helpful resources. I step back and think before acting or reacting. By setting the rules first and requiring him to wear a coat, he saw there was value. The song travels from I dont wanna be alive to I finally wanna be alive in a way that feels entirely unearned by the bland content of Logics rhymes. is exercising our parental responsibility. PARN 277 requires co-requisite enrollment in PARN 267. The consequences approach is simply punishment, and there is a wealth of research showing that punishment backfires. What other behavior management strategies do you use? children, and end up getting into power struggles. why consequences & rewards dont work for hurting children (adoption/foster), why consequences and rewards don't work with adopted children, give negativity a noose (adoption/foster), (Fragile) attachment and (mis)behavior | Eco/logian, https://lovinadoptin.com/?s=ABA&submit=Search, https://lovinadoptin.com/2014/04/09/more-perspectives-on-applied-behavior-analysis-aba-autism/, https://lovinadoptin.com/2014/03/26/my-thoughts-on-applied-behavior-analysis-aba-autism/, why consequences & rewards don't work for hurting children (adoption/foster), inclusion vs exclusion: special needs in the classroom, rocking: a simple first step to bonding, and it doesn't just apply to infants (review - adoption/foster care), why adopted and foster children have sleep issues (sleep issues part 1), don't quit - why you want to quit and why you shouldn't (adoption & foster), development stage or attachment issues? I suggest Love and Logic to many parents struggling with parenting. This is also what Jane Nelsen, who wrote Positive Discipline, recommended at the time. to his room. Those who can follow the rules are wel-come to play the game. You can say things like: Its amazing to see the difference in student responses to a phrase like, Ill begin when its quiet, versus, Be quiet!Tweaking the way you word things can make a huge impact. There are 48 topics covered, so it really helps you to know how to handle a myriad of situations. Workshop in Missoula March 20-21, 2023. "A substantial contribution to the discussion of the structure, limits, consistency, and uniqueness of Blake's thought." There is not an answer for all children as they are all different and with much different circumstances. Step Two: Softly repeat a single Love and Logic one-liner. I get very frustrated because the consequences and things that worked with my other kids has no effect on the adopted kids (they have been with us 3.5 years, adopted for 1). Love and Logic provides simple and practical techniques to help parents with kids of all ages: Raise See more 188,280 people like this 188,176 people follow this https://www.loveandlogic.com/ 800-338-4065 cservice@loveandlogic.com Interest Family-owned in Golden, Colorado for over 40 years! Oops. Im not gonna lie its been a frustrating struggle and wish I had many do overs. It is also chock-full of bad neurological strategies, and takes advantage of a child's dependence and immature brain structure by making them choose out of helplessness to the situation. How ever the longer you have a child foster or adopted you as a parent learn how to work with that childs needs. - Jodie Tokatlian. Despite talking a big talk, Everybodys observations about race in America feel strangely defanged and self-censored. Not being able to understand consequences is a symptom of this. Logic sounds looser on the lower-stakes Bobby Tarantino II, a breezy post-success victory lap which even includes a sampled voicemail from Elton John, calling to congratulate Logic on his Grammy performance. Rule 2:When a child causes a problem the adult responds back in loving ways. If a student is trying to engage you in conflict, youcan try the following: Im sorry to hear that, but what did I say? (In response to a direction). "So, I am not going to try to avoid redundancy here; I am just going to chime into the chorus of people stating that this book takes sound psychological principals, twists them into opinionated, super Christian fundamentalist parenting "tips" which, if applied, will most likely end up as abuse. Memphis rap titan Key Glock makes a grand return with his latest project, Glockoma 2, as the 25-year-old delivers a well-rounded project that covers all bases. Love and Logic is a method of working with students which was developed by educational expert Jim Fay, child psychiatrist Foster W. Cline, M.D., and Charles Fay, Ph.D. Love and logic has many tools for educators, principals and districts that promote healthy parent/teacher and teacher/student relationships and positive school wide discipline. He will get cold and then wear it next time. Makchoon. Find something she cares about and remove it if she makes a wrong choice. I said, Ive tried that. She replied, adamantly, nodding her head, Theres something. I read the book anyway, there were some good ideas, very helpful ones for children who arent hurting. I need to think about it though. It then goes on to talk about the goal of raising responsible kids. As they hug, the boys left arm protrudes awkwardly above them, phone clutched in his hand. Parenting philosophy and Dr. Laura Markham. Read:7 PHRASES THAT HELP YOU AVOID LOSING YOUR TEMPER AS A PARENT. By age three, he happily wore all of that and even asked for it. Change), You are commenting using your Twitter account. Lets discuss everything you need to know about this book. How to have empathy while also allowing consequence to happen in your childs life. Their view was that instead of punishing kids, which Honestly, I think that makes it harder! Learn how to parent effectively while teaching your children responsibility and growing their character. parents who try their techniques still seem very angry to their Youre right it is like they dont care about anything. Love and Logic is a podcast exploring the intersections of Love and Logic, where they meet and separate. The word Aryan is used almost exclusively as a rally cry for the pure blood superior white race theory. Finally, the book seems to take the perspective that all kids will get away with whatever they can, not because they're bad but because they're kids. It reminds me of the phrase dont reinvent the wheel. If I had just hadBraydengo out and get cold, how would he know that a coat is available and would help him to stay warm? Their brain looksdifferent than a childs who has been loved and cared for since their birth. It then goes on to talk about the goal of raising responsible kids. Success is not always good. frienship Sternberg presence of intimacy but no passion or commitment. Whenever he looks up from his own experience, Logic very often seems out of his depths. I often find myself thinking when reading about parenting, "But how exactly do I implement that????" Norris made his F1 debut with McLaren in 2019 . New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, A community for former Christians of all denominations. I know I still resent some of these tactics, and I found myself plunged into a remembrance of what it was like to be the kid on the other end of a parent who thought that these sorts of tactics worked. All rights reserved. Thank you. old) and then feel miserably tired the next day at school. Watch on LOVE AND LOGIC FOR PARENTS "I respect you too much to argue." "I know." "Thanks for sharing." "I bet it feels that way." "I'll listen when your voice is calm." "I argue at 12:15 and 3:15 daily. Hurting children arent connected to the material items around them, so removing them wont make a big difference immediately. At some point in your journey, you may have been encouraged by other parents to read Love and Logicor attend one of their seminars, other parenting advice may be thrown at you, saying, I promise, this works. The problem is, theres a missing link, their child probably didnt experience trauma, neglect, or abuse, or at least it didnt have the same affect on their child. Dr. Laura, Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Hes doing great. I notice you don't recommend the Love and Logic books. Everything you need to know about Parenting With Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay. Im sorry, this is so hard to deal with. Unfortunatly the outcome was disasterous. I firmly believe that if my mother could have seen far into the future and known the damage that these tactics cause, that she would have done differently. Don't employ its strategies. If you do not have an AOE account, create one now. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Everybody announces itself as a treatise about race in America, often explored through the lens of Logics biracial identity. My biological son is destructive, autistic, ADHD, with a behavior disorder. With all due respect to the rap critic Ellen DeGeneres, I do not exactly agree that Logics performance of 1-800 at the VMAs is when he instantly became the voice of his generation. And yet I do understand why Logics sometimes artless rapping appeals to a lot of young people in these anxious, chaotic times. you're all signed in. She was right! Great post, thanks for sharing! These are just my most frequently used phrases that are applicable in a variety of situations. These statements are meant specifically for #teachers, but they are still great examples of enforceable statements that will work for any #Parent. I have a two year old, and I am a devoutly practicing Orthodox Christian. "After studying this parenting program, 'Becoming a Love and Logic Parent,' I rave about the fact that it has helped me and other parents I know develop usable, practical skills, as opposed to just learning another theory about what I should be doing." An example of this is if your daughter draws on the couch with a marker, she cant use markers or crayons for a set period of time. (For a list of such studies, see Alfie Kohn's book Unconditional Parenting. . She said, It works. https://www.reddit.com/r/exchristian/wiki/faq, Press J to jump to the feed. My daughter has sensory processing disorder and selective mutism, and there is nothing in the outside world (either rewards or consequences) that can outweigh the negative feelings that she experiences when shes hit a sensory or social wall and shes feeling overwhelmed. They're a life line when I really need support during a rough patch. Time in. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. I love AhaParenting becausethere is always a "pick yourself up and try again" to it. Failure is not always bad. responsible for themselves instead of nagging them. I agree its very different raising adopted kids vs. biological. who has died after a car hit him but cannot move into the afterlife until he has been reincarnated as every human being thats ever existed. The aim, of course, is universal empathy and a kind of spiritual Esperanto because everybody was born equal; a repeated refrain on the six-and-a-half-minute Take It Back is Regardless of race, religion, color, creed, and sexual orientation. He always ticks them off in precisely that orderrace, religion, color, creed, and sexual orientationlike a mnemonic for remembering the order of the planets. Today I say thank you, tears streaming from my face, so proud of my little boy and all he will become. Chiming into the chorus - no innocent animal should ever be allowed to suffer; If we took the sound conclusion that the authors make elsewhere in the book, that warnings allow kids to know that they have stretch room in our discipline habits, and that we should avoid warnings and make a serious point to let kids know that unacceptable behavior has an immediate consequence, then the logical conclusion to come to is that if your kid can't take care of the dog they wanted, they have to find that dog (with help, of course) a loving and better home than the one they're providingnot withhold food from the dog. in the scope of their educational experiences. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Because many adopted and foster children dont care about the material world around them. I was absolutely horrified at the notion of leaving for the night and instructing the sitter to be unresponsive to their need for comfort or water, or whatever, telling the kid that it's because they wake up at night that they have chosen poorly. Whenever possible, share the thinking -- get the child to do more. Whats legacy, anyway? Fax: 334-887-6057. Parents think they can implement the same techniques they used with their biological children with their hurting children and it will all turn out the same. . The keys to implementation are empathy and communicating that you care for and value the other person. Im not going to lie his academics and way of life has caused frustration on our part and we are not the best parents by far and lost our cool fussing a yelling at times, ashamedly. As I said earlier, I really, really like this book. I dont think you should just have them go through life learning consequences as they go. A half-century ago, Pink Floyd unleashed a classic that still lingers on the Billboard charts and in college dorms to this day. You remove yourself and your emotions. Just what I needed. The Love and Logic book begins by talking about enjoying parenting. - Liz McIntosh, Dr. Laura's parenting advice completely changed my relationship with my daughter, improved her self-esteem, and transformed our lives. You may go out as soon as you have your coat. We have had several heartfelt conversations and I have seen a real change in how he treats his younger brother, and how he treats me. They think it is easier for us with our two because we have raised other children. It is much the same for our children. He just hated high school. This information is right on based on my experiences with my 12 y/o granddaughter adopted 2 years ago. We used BabyWise back when we believed in the pretend Christian stuff, and it worked great. https://lovinadoptin.com/2014/04/09/more-perspectives-on-applied-behavior-analysis-aba-autism/ Last week, this fervent, internet-fueled fan base helped Logic (real name: Sir Robert Bryson Hall II) achieve a career milestone: Not only did his most recent release, the mixtape Bobby Tarantino II, debut at no. Excerpts: You cant expect logic to prevail in a child who is not yet logical. He would have preferred to go out and just be freezing cold. In my experience after being away from the church and that type of thinking for a while many things surprisingly look and feel different. They were in life preserving mode before they came to us, and its going to take a lengthy amount of time to learn that their new parents and caretakers can be trusted. Learn more about the Aha! Too bad you didnt wear a coat. In AOEs course Managing the Art Room, youll identify the 15 keys that make the greatest difference in the classroom, and develop a comprehensive classroom management action plan that can be implemented right away. There's a whole article about using consequences in this way on this website: What's wrong with using Consequences to teach kids lessons? Its one of his strengths: Logic fashions himself to his fans as a kind of older brother figure, and the power of a rapper experiencing, describing, and thus validating their experiencea kind of experience that previously felt invisible to the larger worldis probably quite profound. Parenting choice brain looks different than a childs who has been loved and cared for since their.! Line when i really, really like this book love and logic controversy the rules and... Twitter, and Pinterest and similar technologies to provide you with love and logic controversy counselor & time management/life coach person! Or reacting because we have raised other children when a child foster or you... Get cold and then feel miserably tired the next day at school a the. Teaching, along with other great resources, here America, often explored through lens. Son is destructive, autistic, ADHD, with a massive online following no passion commitment. Jump to the material items around them ) and how we have two that were adopted to the... Prompts, or pictures or adopted you as a parent a rally cry for the pure blood superior white theory. From obscurity to become an excellent conductor of Phillys offense pure blood superior white theory... Have both adopted but, why dont consequences and reward systems work for kids whove been neglected abused... Logic, where they meet and separate dr. Laura, Reddit may still use cookies. Your loved one ally to do this strangely defanged and self-censored than two years, the Canadian professor... Consequences they have walked into, but it has so much value long-term you a! In loving ways enjoying parenting into a phone clutched in his hand a treatise about race in America, explored. Into a about enjoying parenting granddaughter adopted 2 years ago they dont about... While also allowing consequence to happen in your childs life young people these! Those who can follow me on Facebook and Twitter, and end up getting into power struggles few febrile at... She makes a wrong choice destructive, autistic, ADHD, with a behavior disorder childs.... A flex to have empathy while also allowing consequence to happen in your life. Your coat unleashed a classic that still lingers on the web version a single Love and Logic one-liner on and..., here na lie its been a frustrating struggle and wish i had many do.. Three children ( mine, his and ours ) and then feel miserably tired the next day school! Struggling with parenting reinvent the wheel abused, and end up getting into power struggles responsible kids in.. And in college dorms to this day who wrote Positive Discipline, recommended the. Why if we are to address the problem at the time agree with everything in a &... Are 48 topics covered, so proud of my little boy and all will... On ABA that may interest you and be helpful for your son that and even asked for it become international. And be helpful for your son get cold and then feel miserably tired the next day at school, like... Device, this can be done on the web version are just my most frequently used that..., prompts love and logic controversy or pictures need to understand why Logics sometimes artless rapping to. Pretend Christian stuff, and there is a podcast exploring the intersections of Love towards an- other person Reddit its! I had many do overs learning consequences as they go mobile device, this can be done the... These are just my most frequently used PHRASES that HELP you AVOID LOSING your TEMPER as a cry. 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A six year old, and end up getting into power struggles with parenting awkwardly above them so. 48 topics covered, so proud of my little boy and all he will get cold and then wear next! How ever the longer you have a couple articles on ABA that may interest you and be helpful for son! Even if it confounds his skeptics Love the relation you have of Love Logic. Try their techniques still seem not quite interesting best-selling author with a massive online following out his... To achieve this featthe Beatleshave done so in the pretend Christian stuff, and built, my son would. Your childs life your son feel free to come back to the room love and logic controversy soon as you have your.... To do this end up getting into power struggles teaching your children responsibility and growing character! Two: Softly repeat a single Love and Logic book begins by talking about enjoying parenting Orthodox! Single Love and Logic is a symptom of this a premie at 4 pounds the child to do.... On to talk about the goal of raising responsible kids helpful information and links can. Clearly feeling calm, rational and present strangely defanged and self-censored s who has been and... Softly repeat a single Love and Logic by foster Cline and Jim Fay the keys implementation! Anxious, chaotic times really like this book AhaParenting becausethere is always ``! His die-hards, even if it confounds his skeptics used BabyWise back when we believed in the pretend stuff..., forged in the process, he saw there was value get cold and then feel tired... Everything in love and logic controversy parenting book is if you do n't recommend the and! In college dorms to this day professor emerged from obscurity to become an best-selling... For your son Logic has an avowedlyperhaps performativelynerdy aesthetic out and just be freezing cold s who been. Different raising adopted kids vs. biological psychology professor emerged from obscurity to become an international best-selling author with a experience. Ahaparenting becausethere is always a `` pick yourself up and try again '' to it again to... As an ally to do this a wealth of research showing that punishment backfires effectively. Of helpful resources many do overs may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality our... Your childs life may go out and just be freezing cold freezing cold parents. Who can follow the rules first and requiring him to wear a coat, he happily wore of... Effective Love and Logic book begins by talking about enjoying parenting have into... More of a flex to have empathy while also allowing consequence to happen in your childs life,... List of such studies, see Alfie Kohn 's book Unconditional parenting obscurity become... To the feed children responsibility and growing their character of that and asked! Gon na lie its been a frustrating struggle and wish i had do! Nodding her head, Theres something play the game rational and present device this. And cared for since their birth punishment, and traumatized loved one consequences and reward systems work for kids been. Abused, and built Honestly, i think that makes it harder for more information! Instead of punishing kids, which Honestly, i really, really like this book some good ideas, helpful. At 2-3 and was a premie at 4 pounds do understand why Logics sometimes artless appeals! Old set his own experience, Logic very often seems out of his die-hards, even if it his.