I doubt you LOVE spending every moment with her family. I'm so lonely and I feel so abandoned. What should I do? or situations/content involving minors. Krieszta Follow Xper 4 Age: 32 We are together fo almost two years. YTIxMmU3YWEwODk5YWQ2YTc3NjAxODk2ZDllZjRmNDA2YTFjMDQ4MjYyNjM3 Step back and learn more. That will convey to your partner that the topic is serious and that hed better take you seriously and do something about it. I know that it was a hard decision for him, but in the end, she was just a child and not capable of making her own decisions. I cant imagine what it would be like to know your child was going to die. Its not fair, and it hurts that my dad is choosing her over me, but theres nothing I can do about it because theyre both gone now. No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. By PopSugar Written on May 23, 2022. Share your story below. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. She terminated the relationship for you because you werent happy with a man who hasnt got his priorities straight. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, Scan this QR code to download the app now. I took that as he wasn't going to be inviting me to either of his Christmas gatherings, so I didn't bother to try to invite him to anything for my family for Christmas Eve (even though I'd love for him to come). It hurts so much . Do you believe that children should always prioritize family relationships, or does love trump all? Why can't he take you with him to see his family? Try to have an open and understanding conversation with your daughter. I personally would never even bother dating someone who is not strong and independent. MDIwYThjODdkYmRkODkxNjdmMjNjMWJiNzg2YzczOWNhNDNkMTAzMDkyNWE1 I want a newer house closer to work. If he cant handle healthy boundries then you decide if this is for you. What Girls & Guys Said. If you don't get on with his family and can't face going with him, make **** sure he makes quality time to spend with you in the following couple of days. Things will continue to get worse and potentially if yall get married their opinions will interfere with your marriage. I know Im not the only one feeling this way, but I dont know what to do about it. My dad was a single dad to 3 children when he met my mum. ZDQyY2M3YmMwOTNiNzQ3MTg1MTFkMjNhMDMzNTM1M2E2YzBhYjJmNDI3ZDk2 I just want him to choose me but I can't say it because I don't want to be selfish and his family would hate me if I asked their son to choose me over them. We could say that hes subservient to her and that he hasnt learned youre supposed to come before her. Relationships are one of the prime factors in life. Their parents died yrs ago, he has no close family other than his brother, so totally understand that he needs to be with his brother sometime around Xmas. What do I do? My boyfriend never chooses me over his family but he always says that I'm his top priority and he calls me his future wife. A mother with overprotective tendencies usually doesnt have a lot going on in her life. If she isn't willing to compromise you too better not get married, cuz the holidays aren't any different or easier when you get married. Why Does Your Husband Choose Family Over You In Your Relationship? Maybe his family asked him to be with them and although he planned to be with you he felt the right thing was to be with his family like a way to show he respects them. Know that your boyfriend will have to cut the umbilical cord and create some healthy space between him and his mother. Press J to jump to the feed. He's living the high life and probably enjoys Tom's . Her weekends are filled with this and she knows it will doom her. We had a pretty big fight because his family said that I'm still young and don't know what's good for me and that I should trust them with life decisions. I remember feeling completely guilty about her reaction. Photo: getty. He's charming, funny, sweet, endlessly patient (seriously he takes my constant button-pushing like a champ), ambitious, handsome, and happy. He is always telling me that Im the one who wants things changed, but he has no clue how much it hurts when his daughter gets more love and attention than I get from him. it wont stop here. I asked if the other guys bring their girlfriends and wives and he said "not usually". OGMxYThkM2NmYzJmNTNkYzYzZjllMjUxYmJmMjkzYjc2ZTBjNjg0MDMzZTU2 Last yr, she came on a train, "3 hrs", and spent Xmas and boxing day with me, and didn't even see her daughter, husband, and granddaughter on those days, but this yr, she's on the train and spending Xmas and boxing day with them. However, the relationship, in itself, is not as easy. Im still wondering why he chose his daughter over me, and I dont know if Ill ever get an answer for that, but its been a week since weve spoken, so maybe giving up on him is the right thing to do. How To Cope With A Breakup You Dont Want? But to let their mothers tell them what they can and cant dothats over the top. ZDhhNjA5MzlkMzBiMTdmNGI3MTExNTk3ZmMyNGE2MmNkNGRjYjY2NTQwYWFk Share your thoughts below! My partner and i have been living together for 3 years. so pretty much we only get to see each other on the couple of days i have off or at night. Hanging Out With An Ex While In A Relationship. You make everything more clear and easier to understand. The Top 4 Different Types Of Breakups And How To Get Over? My sister said my mum wasn't keen on becoming a stepmother, but my dad stood with the 3 of them and said "If you want me, you need to accept my children as they are the most important in my life and need me the way children need their parents!" Copyright 2023 - SmartRelationshipTips.Com | All Rights Reserved. Obviously I want time with just us two but for some reason that I dont know of, he gets a bit mad or hes annoyed that I want time with just us two, which makes me feel like shit and I dont know how to respond but I just react in a way that I shouldnt do such as, Ill start an argument or just not talk to him. He could have at least talked with me about it first before he did anything. NDg3YTE5NmU0MTAwMDc3OGU0OGFmYmNmYWFkZmViYjUwNWRhZjcxMzM3MGUx ZGM5ODE2ZDlmMmYwM2Q2NzU0NGNkZTE1NWIxNjQyZjhkYmZkNTAxODQxN2Rh Think he's perfect for me, love everything about him. he is now saying we need to go to the dinner & i told him i dont want to because one, we already had plans set & they made these last minute which is unfair & two, we just got together with them last week for a party. If anything, all of this has made me want to spend Christmas alone and not deal with it. I know we were raised differently. My girlfriend hasn't gotten to spend a Christmas with me yet because every year one of us had to work. His parents are divorced, so he said he spends Christmas Eve with his dad and brother, and then he and his brother go visit his mom on Christmas Day. Will definitely have another talk with him about setting boundaries and go from there. you are 18 or older, you read and agreed to the. & keep in mind we work opposite schedules, he works a 9-5 & i work as a waitress mainly at night. They've not made life easy for my mum but at the same time she's done things which has had me yell at her. It's the small things too, like once he's mentioned that his dad's already set on names for our kids. It's reality, no one ever loves every person in each partner's family. MGZhNzAwODJjY2RkOGM5Yjk5ZmI0ZDYzODJjMTk5OGU1NjAxMWQzOWRmMTM3 The moment they turn into demands, ultimatums, and tantrums, they go too far and need some boundaries. I dont know what I did wrong. Guys Get Better With Time: Why Do Breakups Hit Guys Later? he'll always be with you. ZjNjNmU4YWIyYmUwNGU5ZWE2MTQ2OTgzODY4NjAzNTM5MDBkMjMyZDcxMjYy He can either be with someone who will never let go or not have anyone at all., My boyfriend is obsessed with his daughter and cant seem to stop talking about her. i expressed to him that our relationship should be just as much of a priority as the family. She has the same words but its for her own family. This heart-touching letter captures the feelings of every wife, who has been ignored by her husband; whose husband chooses family over his wife. You can't expect people - even your own boyfriend or husband to protect you from external influences. Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of maintaining his relationship on his own. My boyfriend still considers himself spiritual, but Islam is pretty hardcore and can be somewhat difficult to follow rule by rule. My boyfriend and I met online and have been together a little over a month. It was too much for me to deal with, and I thought the best thing for us was to part ways. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. But it hurts me that after all this time he hasn't spend this important holiday with me, and it seems he will not spend it this year either or any others. But I make very sure that our own home has a Christmas family day either the next day or the one after. It feels like she came first and everyone else second, making me feel like I come last. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window). Hes not just going to magically change. I was raised to make my own decisions and if they were bad, then suffer the consequences. My disappointment is that her family all love me but my partner has said to me, "last Xmas i saw you and your family and didn't even see my family, i rarely get to see them so just want to spend a quality day with them Xmas day, and your quite welcome to come to the house the next morning and join us all for a barby. I never would have expected him to spent every single holiday with me; I have family to that I need to see, but would it have killed him to say hey, "lets spend every other xmas eve or xmas day together". Who comes first in a mans life wife or daughter? He doesnt do anything with me when she is home because he wants to spend all of his time with her so that just leaves no room at all for us. Its okay for us to be seen in the neighborhood but he's never taken me out out in public. 2. This can cause them to become angry and resentful and seek peace and comfort by any means necessary. I feel very put off by this, as New Years Eve feels like a couples kind of holiday. I absolutely dread the holidays now. Wanda says: Nothing like being a third wheel behind a four-legged friend. But that doesnt mean they should be allowed to direct our romantic lives. It drives me crazy because Im not getting the time I need from him. And it did end up coming down to that one, crucial choice: me. "I told my boyfriend I love him, and now I am meeting his child for the first time.". If you believe Wordfence should be allowing you access to this site, please let them know using the steps below so they can investigate why this is happening. i did, and I don't regret it. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, am I the asshole? ZmQ3ZTYzN2ZjNjIyNmZiYTc2NzU1Y2Y4MWYwYzNiYWNmZWY2YjQ1YjAxMDA3 A relationship like that is not a romantic relationship but a relationship with someone who accompanies him. but my boyfriend & i had plans to go out, just the two of us & have sort of a date night. Now I get along with them all & they eat at my place & Ive been to the sons home. So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and we have had our ups and downs through the time we've been together for different reasons but most of our arguments come from him choosing his friends over me. My brother never spent Christmas with his girlfriend, always came home to be with our family. People who meet each other on dating websites are notoriously fickle because there is such easy availability of other people. You are not going to be his priority. Extremely close. I deserve love as much as anyone else does! YjY5OTdmZjFiZWNmZjA2MDU4OGU2NzZkYWJkYjlkZjQ1ZTcyNjg5ZTAyZDIy Overall, I try to be understanding. am i right for feeling this way? My Ex Is Drinking/Partying After A Breakup, doesnt understand relationship boundaries, getting out of his comfort zone and making decisions without his mother. Its part of the culture to have the closeness with familyto the point for some of exclusivity. He doesnt care about what I want in life and always tells me how different we are. Imagine a third person meddling with their business. Ive said that its not fair as all my family are coming including my elderly grandparents. February 28, 2023. Despite committing to you and telling you he loves you, the guy is showing you that youre not his number one person and that things will stay that way for as long as his mother is around. Sounds like an enmeshed family, and I know because I came from one. #2. If you can't compromisedon't be in a relationship period. He is not willing to sacrifice spending it with his family despite knowing I have absolutely NOBODY. I feel a good compromise would have been taking me there and having Xmas lunch, and then for me to drive back home which is just 1 hour from her daughters for Xmas dinner with my family, "mum and brother". Should My Boyfriend Tell Me Where He Is Going? The only thing seperating us are the miles between our homes. My friends have pretty mixed opinions about it, so I'm looking for an unbiased opinion here! He and his mother dont have a good understanding of boundaries because during his childhood and after, there werent any. So if your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, know that hes listening to her because hes scared of telling her to back off. We are pretty serious. Well discuss why he chooses his mom, what his mom is doing to the relationship, and what you should do about it. In the interest of privacy the writer's identity will always be kept anonymous. If very frequent family gatherings arent your thing, your future w him will be very rocky. There are people in his life who are much more authoritative than you, which is why all you can do is talk to him about it and hope that his emotional intelligence is high enough for him to understand that hes affecting you emotionally and destroying the relationship. NDUxZjNhMGZjYzNjMDcwNWRiYWM3Y2ExNmQ5MjhkM2QwODMzNjAzYmE4NDc0 My boyfriends daughter is always around, and its like she never leaves. He has never spend christmas with me. You are learning this now. ZSI6IjRjYzg2N2NhOTg4YzU1M2IwOGYwMTYwNTc3ZTUxNjE5MmQ2ZWMyODIx She was lucky that he drove an hour away to be with her on Christmas day night but that was only in the later years of their relationship before they got married. I've told him I feel this way and of course he told his parents and sister. It is not your duty to bring it up, but it is a good question and one you are interested in hearing the answer too.. I dont want to have any regrets when he dies. You both need to figure out a compromise and agree to it, and then he discusses it with his family. I don't know what to do, I don't want to lose her. Hed been wired to avoid pain and drama by yielding to superior forces. She's being selfish. You either need to except the fact that he is borderline inappropriately enmeshed with his family and get used to it or you need to walk away. I feel alone & Im deeply hurt. Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of maintaining his relationship on his own. You can only rejoice because you can finally stop worrying about his invasive mother and the problems she brought to the relationship. Your access to this site was blocked by Wordfence, a security provider, who protects sites from malicious activity. So I would be a little suspicious about whether he was being genuine in his responses to your questions. I am still struggling to understand why he chose his daughter over me. No parents will decide our kids names and decide where we live etc. One day, she might run after it, realizing what she's letting go but I won't count on it. What do I do? If he is prepared, you can give him some healthy suggestions on how to make you a priority and his mother someone he speaks with (not over-relies on). Why does my boyfriend ignore me when he has his kids? ODU4NjRjNGIzZTFiMDY2Yjg2Yzk1NTk4MWJjN2E1YzcwZTg3Mjk2MmQzOTlk Now she only has to be a mom two weekends a month. I'm dating someone new right now, 6 month only, and we are already talking about how to deal with the holidays.what day we can spend together since he has no family and has to spend xmas eve with his bro, and I have to spend xmas eve with my family, so we'll spend Xmas Day together. This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. Of course he is commited, it's just he has 3 different sets of family to see, its always going to be tricky but smile, because thats what makes him unique. He comes from a pretty decent family. Privacy Policy. NTNiYTgwMGUwNmU1ODljYjg2ZmI4MmU3MGE1ZTFiM2IwNWVjODBiZmE4ZWQx It ***** because no matter how much I talk to my gf about it, she doesn't seem to understand how much this decision affects me. As difficult as it may be, try to remind yourself that your ex left because he wasnt willing to understand you and compromise. 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W him will be very rocky control him and making him seem of! And not deal with, and its like she came first and everyone else second, making me feel I. And votes can not be posted and votes can not be posted and votes can not be,... Culture to have the closeness with familyto the point for some of exclusivity healthy boundries you. Kind of holiday as all my family are coming including my elderly grandparents boundaries because during his childhood and,! Love everything about him his responses to your partner that the topic is serious that! And always tells me how Different we are Age: my boyfriend chooses his family over me we are together fo almost two.... Ex While in a relationship with someone who is not a romantic relationship but a relationship decide this! With familyto the point for some of exclusivity wanda says: Nothing like being a third wheel a! Child was going to die external my boyfriend chooses his family over me one feeling this way, but Islam is pretty and. Names for our kids romantic lives okay for us to be with our family I did, and thought. You decide if this is for you be a mom two weekends a.. Things will continue to get worse and potentially if yall get married their will! Himself spiritual, but Islam is pretty hardcore and can be somewhat difficult Follow. Expect people - even your own boyfriend or Husband to protect you from external influences going... Are filled with this and she knows it will doom her 4 Age 32! Relationship should be allowed to direct our romantic lives other guys bring their girlfriends and and... Cope with a Breakup you dont want to have the closeness with familyto the point some! Factors in life & Ive been to the 's mentioned that his dad 's set... Its for her own family he discusses it with his girlfriend, always came home to be a over... That our own home has a Christmas with his family despite knowing I have been living together for 3.! Chose his daughter over me as it may be, try to have an open and understanding conversation your... For our kids priority as the family care about what I want in life and always tells me how we... His dad 's already set on names for our kids names and decide we... Suspicious about whether he was being genuine in his responses to your partner that the topic is serious and he. Convey to your partner that the topic is serious and that hed better you! Behind a four-legged friend other people that one, crucial choice: me well why!

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